Time for a Uniform Change

Yes of course it was the Beautiful South song. Whilst it's one of my favourite albums, that song always made me very angry, because it's about a big boobed slut, and her breast size is used as an insult, an accusation, as though she chose them to suit her lifestyle.

The song indicates that big boobs are a sure sign of sluttiness (you'd be amazed how many men actually think this), like you somehow are at fault for having them. But I suppose, it wouldn't be the first mysogynistic pop song out there, would it? (I can feel a sad song Wednesday theme coming on..)

Imagine saying people with big noses eat like pigs - if they didn't they wouldn't have big noses. Or all people with innies are mentally defective. Or people born in Asia can't drive. Or all muslims are terrorists. Imagine that.

The doctor said to me that on day 2 after the operation 'we'll remove the drains and you'll be going home in a crop top'.

A crop top. I haven't been able to find a crop top to fit me my entire life. Imagine me, in a crop top. Anyone got any ideas on where to procure such an article?

In a similar vein, the change in the air, the promise of spring is here. Hasn't it been glorious? The blossoms are so beautiful - in particular the port wine magnolias - I love this time of year.

It feels like only yesterday I switched from my summer uniform of wide legged drawstring cotton pants and ribbed tees to my winter uniform of cargo pants and a hoodie.

It's always pretty hard being not slim and not working in an office every day where a suit is required. If all you do is the school run and the odd coffee date, a uniform is good, a consistent look that says 'I'm quite cool' and not 'I'm a fat disorganised slob'.

A lot of people go for the 3/4 pant. Indeed, though I have been known to wear them, I hate most of the 3/4 pants with a passion. They reeks of suburbia, of mundanity and of mediocrity. I mean, I might not be the yummiest mummy, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to let it all go and just give up. I prefer the capri pant, but a slim leg doesn't look any good with a size 18 bust.

A few years ago the spring uniform for the schoolyard mums round my way was a floral skirt and a little puffed cap sleeved cotton button up shirt with a pair of havians. I was so envious of them, they looked so fresh, so cool, so young and carefree. Since my boobs ruled that little number out, I went for the light cotton/linen drawstring pants and a ribbed tshirt.

Last year it seemed like there were a lot of sacky dresses. For me, a dress than fits my top half just swims on my bottom half, making me look double my actual size. The sacky pinafore didn't go with the E cups, not one bit. Not only that, at five foot not much all dresses pretty much are the wrong length, so I went for the drawstring pants. Again.

So, I'm really really curious to know, after the 17th October, will my choices of summer uniform change? Will I be able to wear what the other mums wear? I may not be slim enough to ever wear a capri pant or a mini dress, but just to be able to think about a crop top (for walking)or a shirt with buttons down the front - I can't comprehend the possibility.

And, if you've endured my self obsessed rant this long, I shall reward you with a picture of the dog. And the offending appendages.