Time flies

This is a tough post to write.

This weekend is my twenty year high school reunion. Twenty years since we tripped out of Saint Mary's College with nothing but boys and partying on our minds (well on my mind anyway. I guess some of the girls had one eye on becoming doctors and lawyers but not me.)

Tomorrow a small group are having lunch at a beachside restaurant and on Saturday night we're having dinner in another local restaurant. I have been worrying incessantly about the important things - what in god's name will I wear?

When I first heard about the do I thought of two looks. The lunch I wanted a Sienna Miller type of look. The dinner I just wanted to look filthy rich. Since I am neither I procrastinated on the clothes shopping until tonight - the night before.

The dinner is not so much of a problem, I've only got one decent dress, but it's a great wrappy thing in a suitably serious colour (but not ubiquitous black) and plenty of chunky jewellery (and an impressive postbox) to pass myself off as being fashionable without being mutton. The dinner's okay too because being night time it's perfectly normal to slap on plenty of makeup and do something with the hair because it's reasonably expected that one would go to some effort for an evening event.

But the lunch. Hmmm, that poses a bigger problem. Since I did not lose the 15kg I deem necessary to ensure ultimate happiness, I am miserable. Lunch by the beach calls for a casual outfit which says "I'm pretty relaxed, but I always look this fabulous. I threw these peices together and they look fantastic because I am cool, stylish and confident". It is imperative that the look NOT say "I was so terrified of seeing you after all these years with so little to show for myself that I had to have gel nails and spray tan applied yesterday and the outfit is a torturously matchy matchy ensemble from one of the local cheap knockoff shops."

Wardrobe check revealed I only own track suits. I throw them on in the mild hope I look sporty when I drop Louis at school every day. How did it come to this? Twenty years ago I didn't own a tracksuit, preferring sadly the g-string leotard over short leggings and a ballet wrap to go to aerobics and step classes.

So what did I do? I got my hair bleached. I resisted the spray tan and the nails, although they wouldn't have been out of the question had the budget have allowed. I bought an ensemble from the local cheap knockoff shop. You won't guess what it's made of. Linen. What the freaking hell was I thinking? Linen! WHITE LINEN. Now I fully realise there are many women who wear linen all the time who are pretty relaxed and always look that fabulous. But I am not one of them. Being short, linen just creases up on me around the middle and makes me look like a birch broom in a fit.

But the IDEA of the linen trouser outfit sucked me in, and made me delude myself for a few minutes that I might look cool and collected in wide white linen pants and a billowy white linen shirt with a few white beaded swirls on it. I got a brown tribal necklace and some brown tribal sort of wedge sandals. And a new brown handbag. Sounds too matchy matchy to you? Yeah me too. But that's the outfit I'm wearing tomorrow to lunch. I won't be able to eat for fear of slopping sauce on the white linen. I will have an orange ring from foundation around the collar of said white linen shirt. After three champagnes I will start to get a bit crumpled and if it's hot then I will be a bit red in the face. The humidity will frizz my newly bleached tresses and little curly bits will emerge around the temples of the poker straight blowdry. Presumably there will be some lipstick bleed and that cranky wrinkle I have in the middle of my forehead will be deepened by the laughter and the foundation will sit in the furrow just so.

Lucky I have sunglasses with lenses the size of small planets.

And of course all those other bitches will have more to show for themselves after 20 years than me. Except I'll be the fattest.

I don't even know why I'm going really.

Any one know of any ways to lose 15kg overnight??

THERE WILL BE NO PHOTOS.