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Location: Mt Keira, New South Wales, Australia

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desperate email to secret pal

20 Feb 2005

Hello Secret Pal,

No-one understands me. Most of the women in my local S & B are retirees (lovely ladies but still........). My passion is a secret one, I am ashamed, like having an illness you can't tell anyone about. Whenever I confide in my friends about my obsession with yarn and it's uses - they laugh. "Come on granny' they say, looking fab in their store bought shrugs from portmans. I don't want to buy a wrap, I want to make one. They don't understand.

My home ADSL line has been down for three days, so no blogging. I love blogging. It allows me to speak freely about my illness, that which cannot be named in my personal social circles. I find guilty pleasure in blogging, it is like a dirty little secret hidden away from prying eyes.

I went to a stitch and craft fair today. My patient husband with two kids in tow drove almost two hours and when we got there there were only two stalls selling yarn.

It wasn't a total disappointment though. You see, I have begun a quest to find a yarn for my Clapotis. And I notice on the web that some people have made theirs in Noro silk garden. Well I saw this yarn for the first time today, and, IMO, it is just not that soft. For Clapotis you need drape and softness and to me, well Noro silk garden just isn't it. And, at $14.50 AUS a 50g hank, Lion & Lamb is cheaper anyway - even with the postage.

I bought six balls of Lana Gatto Cleopatra in a better colourway than wool-baa offers. This yarn looks nothing on the web. But up close it is a central thread of 3 ply thick and thin cotton. How do they get the thick and thin texture without affecting the overall thickness of the yarn I don't know but it is a real feat of yarn engineering. It is wrapped randomly with a lustrous floss of rainbow coloured thread which transforms the boring khaki/dark khaki coloured central thread to a rainbow of irridescent lusciousness. It wasn't until I got home that I realised that the $8.50 AUS I paid a ball was a real bargain. I shall definitely blog it as it is a really nice colour. I am fully cognisant of how sad it is to be able to go on and on about the construct of a ball of wool. It saddens me. How did I end up this way?

I know I am only a begginer. I know that I am behind and that all the others have already finished their clapotis. But our winter is a-coming and I hope to have at least my trial Clapotis completed on this yarn. I will photograph the progress as soon as I cast it on. My fingers are itching, but I must complete this post first.

I get home and presto, the line is back up. My super-gracious secret pal has written about me and my little handmade gift on her blog. She is so lovely. I read my own blog and realise that I come accross like a complete cow. What I meant to be wry humour looks like pretentious drivel. I am in serious blog doldrums.

Now I really am worried. I assume Secret Pal since this is your first SP that you are not a famous knitblogger? I wonder what would you do if your secret pal was the famous stitch and bitch designer whose blog proclaims 'my boyfriend is a bigger star than your boyfriend' - you should probably read her blog as this is NOT what it seems on the surface, it is actually quite a funny story. If only I remembered what her blogsite was. But my point is, what on earth would you buy a person who recieves packages stuffed with Debbie Bliss and Rowan yarn for free on a normal day? I for one would just XXX myself if I got her on SP4 and send her tons of plonk.

To be fair, the blogs I really love are written by what seem to be professional writers, not just suburban women juggling the roles of wife/mother/career woman/hobbyist like me. Maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew. Oh wave upon wave of self doubt.

This is all too much for me. I open a bottle of red. (Wyndam Estate Cabernet Merlot Bin 888 - quite drinkable if you ever come across it) At the same time I prepare a feast of low fat sausages, steamed brocolli, carrots and potatoes with gravy for the kids. I might have been driven to drink but I have not neglected my responsibilities.

And then at last, I select 'random' on the SP4 button on my blogsite. Who should come up but my own secret pal recipient!! (What are the chances of that happening?) Now I am convinced the stars are lined up against me, and that my own secret pal is going to find me out via the same method!

Who would have known joining this group would be fraught with such danger?

I send this to you as one of few who would understand any of the issues involved. Thank you for listening.

From your mentally tormented secret pal.


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